Self-Talk: The Way You Talk to Yourself Matters

The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. The love and attention you always thought you wanted from someone else is the love and attention you first need to give to yourself.

Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. Self-kindness is the foundation of all kindness, for only when we love ourselves can we truly love others.

“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.” — Robert Morley

What you say to yourself, good or bad, can either build you up or tear you down. Self-talk is what you say to yourself, in your head. It’s the voice in your mind that says things that you don’t say out loud. Take time to reflect on your self-talk.

The way you speak to yourself matters because it directly impacts your thoughts, feelings, and actions, influencing everything from your self-esteem and motivation to your ability to handle stress and achieve goals. We have thousands of thoughts that fill our heads every day. Our thoughts directly impact our feelings and emotions, and our emotions influence our actions.  

Be careful how you talk to yourself, because you are listening. When we speak negatively about ourselves, even if we don’t intend to, we start to believe it as the truth. The one who can pull you down is yourself, and don’t allow yourself to let yourself pull you down anymore.

Remember, life reflects what you put into it. We are what we believe we are.

Speaking positively about ourselves is like giving our minds a power boost and planting seeds of self-belief in our minds. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy—if you consistently tell yourself you can handle challenges or achieve your goals, your mind starts finding ways to make it happen.

A positive inner voice builds self-esteem, which improves your mood and performance. Positive self-talk helps you feel more in control of your day and react to situations more constructively.

On the other hand, negative self-talk can hinder your self-esteem and self-worth. A negative inner dialogue can limit your perception of what is possible, creating mental blocks that prevent personal and professional development, which will directly impact your feelings and actions.

Negativity from another person is bad enough, but when it comes from your own head, that’s rough. It can be detrimental to your mental well-being and performance.

So, please be mindful of how you speak to yourself; it can make a difference in your relationship with yourself and others.

But being gentle and good with ourselves isn’t always easy; sometimes it feels like trying to catch sunlight in a jar. Life has a funny way of throwing challenges, doubts, and insecurities at us, making it tough to keep our self-love meters high.

You might be familiar with the term “affirmations.” Affirmations are simply positive or neutral statements that are meant to encourage. We can use affirmations to replace negative, unhelpful thoughts.

Instead of thinking, “Oh!”  I made a blunder; you can think of it positively, like what corrective action I should take to fix it.

Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. Be gentle with yourself, and learn to love yourself and to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others. Be your own biggest supporter. You have the power to lift yourself as no one else can.

Believe me, you will never speak to anyone else on top of speaking to yourself—in your thoughts.

So, the content of your self-talk should be compelling because you are the most influential person in your head. Yes, other people can certainly influence the way we feel and think, but at the end of the day, we are the ones who accept or reject the messages received from others. So just be good to yourself.

“No other love, no matter how genuine it is, can fulfill one’s heart better than unconditional self-love.”

Just try to change your inner thought and see the difference. Let me share a story…

A lady named Maria lived with her mother in a small apartment. She was not too young nor too old, not particularly beautiful, nor was she ugly. Maria was just an average woman.

She worked as a secretary at a large company, and her life was pretty boring and mundane. No one at work ever paid any attention to her, and those who did considered her to be as boring as her life was.

One morning, on her way to work, Maria saw a hat shop that had opened just down the street. Out of curiosity, she walked in. In the shop, there was a lady with her daughter, who had come to pick a hat for her daughter, and a couple of other customers who were trying on different hats. Maria also tried on a few hats until she found one she truly liked. She put it on, and it looked really nice!

The first one to notice was the little girl, who exclaimed, “Mommy, look how pretty that woman looks with the hat on!” The mother said, “Ma’am, I must say, this hat looks awesome on you!” Another man in the shop also came up to Maria and said, “Ma’am, you look lovely with that hat on.”

Maria went to the mirror; she looked at herself, and for the first time in years, she liked her own look. Smiling, she went to the counter and bought the hat. As she walked outside, a new world revealed itself to her like never before.

She had never before noticed the colors of the flowers around her or smelled the scent of the fresh air. Even the sounds of the cars and people on the road sound like a harmonious melody.

She walked as if she were drifting on a cloud with a song being played in her heart.

When she passed by the same coffee shop she walked by every morning, a young handsome man called out to her, “Hey, you are looking gorgeous.” Can I buy you a cup of coffee?

She blushed, kept walking, and floated on the cloud of her newfound joy. When she got to the office building, the doorman opened the door and wished her good morning. Never before had he even noticed her.

The people in the elevator asked her the floor she needed and pressed the button for Maria. Her colleagues at the office, as if seeing her for the very first time, raised her on how lovely she looked that day. The manager asked her out to lunch to talk about how she felt at work!

When this extraordinary workday was over, she decided to take a cab back home instead of the bus. As soon as she put her hand up, two taxis stopped! She took the first one and sat in the back seat, thinking about the magical day she had had and how her life felt so different and changed, thanks to the new hat.

When she got home, her mom opened the door. The sight of Maria took her breath away!

“Maria,” she said, surprised, “you are looking fabulous today.” Your eyes are all lit up like when you were a little girl!

“Yes, Mom,” said Maria. “It’s all thanks to my new hat.” I had the most marvellous day in years.

“New hat?” asked the confused mother. “Which hat are you talking about?”

Maria panicked.

She touched her head only to realize that the hat that had changed her life was not there. She tried remembering where she may have left it—in the cab, no; at lunch, I don’t think so; at the office, not at all. She thought of the store, where she had bought it.

How she had noticed it for the first time, how she had put it on her head, and how she had gone to pay for it at the cashier’s.

Oh, my goodness! She remembered how she had put it on the counter to get her purse out to pay and how she had forgotten it right there on the counter. And then she walked out right there to the street, “Hatless” yet “Glowing!”

It was not the external hat that made Maria’s day great; it was the quality of her internal dialogue that transformed how she felt. Our internal dialogue can enslave us into a horrible routine life or liberate us to a life full of gusto, energy, passion, and joy.

Self-talk is just like this external hat. Change your hat inside today and see the difference.

Remember, the relationship with yourself sets the tone for all other relationships in your life, so be kind and gentle, and always love yourself. Words carry weight, so be mindful while using them. As soon as you begin to love yourself, the war within will end. Start or end your day by saying positive things about yourself or your intentions for the day.